Mobile Malware Prediction Generator?

So, I read the other day on the Register that those guys are pretty fed up with all the mobile phone malware hype. They’re irked that analysts like Gartner keep predicting it, and it keeps not coming to pass.

So, in the spirit of Cyber Security Awareness Month allow me to point out an alternative theory. Which is, that we’re currently under seige – that our phones have already started to rise up against us like the machines in Maximum Overdrive. For realz…

It could be that mobile malware is out there already… hiding so that it can continue its killing spree unabated. Since these phones control the communications, isn’t it plausible that they’ just silence those who would bring the reality to light? The reality… that mobile phones are already conducting a systematic malware-based extermination campaign.

Analysts predicted that the phone malware threat would come; Gartner said it would come in 2007. And by their reckoning, we’re right in the thick of it. McAfee predicted “The Year of Phone Malware” in 2006 – maybe it was. Maybe the phones are just too clever for us and they’re keeping it under the radar. They’re there – eavesdropping on our conversations and tracking us with their GPS.

My phone is smart. Like when I use the typeahead feature and it suggests words that never in my wildest dreams would I have thought to use (who knew I really meant “Hohn” when I started out to type “going”?)

It’s smart – and it’s angry. Like when it mysteriously puts me on mute when I’m on a conference call or when it hangs up on my boss in the middle of a discussion.

Smart and mean… like a miniature Dick Cheney that comes with me everywhere I go.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, sarcastic people over at the Register. You can mock the phone malware pundits all you want. But in the meantime, I’m going to be plotting how to escape from the slave pens that our phones will set up once they have assumed command in the wake of their takeover.

Image Source: Slate.com